More dino mug for you.
Let’s talk about how bodies are weird.
This morning I decided against going to the gym. I’m tired physically and mentally and I have another 8 hour day on my feet, so I decided postponing some lifting til tomorrow was a good option. Fair.
So, instead, I decided to do an at home yoga video. I’m really terrible with at home stuff - I’m easily distracted by what I need to clean or how silly I must look in my own living room. But I did it anyway. And I did it in my underwear.
Yoga has a lot of bending. Lots of folding over and lifting your butt to the air and looking down. This is normally fine - but when I’m in my underwear I see a lot more than in clothes. Like my belly. And just how bad it hangs. It’s bad. I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t have a lot of loose skin, but one day of bending over in my underwear proves how wrong I was.
So, I got down on that. Briefly. But then I lifted my butt, looked past my belly, and saw my legs. Is there loose skin there? Some. But they are so goddamn strong. I saw all my muscles engaged in keeping my body stable and just… wow.
I’ve been seriously considering getting my loose skin removed from my belly. I wear tank tops with virtually every outfit I own to make it look smother. I will always see myself as chubby with it there. But it’s a huge investment, a serious surgery, and honestly goes against my whole philosophy of embracing your body and being more ok with loose skin than fat. But then I look in the mirror and I think “but what if…”
Until I save enough/strike it rich/have a breakdown, I’ll keep looking at my legs and reminding myself just how far I’ve come and how much stronger I’ve gotten. One day at a time it’ll get easier.
How’s that for a coffee date?
Derek stopped by my work today to drop off some free lollapalooza swag he got. I’m SO bummed I’m not going this year but at least I got this sweet bandanna.
In other news pending a background check I’ve got the temp job! I’ve debated back and forth if it’s wise for me to take it (and oddly my biggest concern is how will I adjust to being in a cubicle and moving less every day!) but all in all I think it’s a good move to at least get me out of retail. I will miss some people here but there is at least one person I will not miss (and is really toxic to my everyday life) that I should get away from. I will also have a steady schedule with the same pay and no last minute call in shifts. It’ll be very different from my current environment.
In sum: I’m taking a risk. A big one. And I hope it ends up being worth it.
Also the job I initially said I really wanted I assume I didn’t get. It was for an admissions advisor position at an online university. That sounded awesome, until they explained in the interview that I’d be the person calling people all day that expressed any interest in the school and pray they answered. In the end it would’ve been more about selling an education than any advising, so I’m not too bummed about losing that.
Kudos to you if you read my rambling!
I decided to switch up the mug today to show off my dino mug. With hot coffee in it the dinosaurs turn into fossils and with nothing in it they turn back to being alive. Yeah, it’s the best.
Got my ass to the gym this morning. I’ve only got one stage left to complete for NROLFW so even though I’m kind of ready to move on I figured I might as well finish it. It was pretty tough - mostly because I was still sore from yesterday and because I hadn’t lifted heavy things in a little too long.
I debated the entire time doing yoga again after lifting. Right before class would start the teacher asked me if I’d be joining and I told her I was thinking about it but my arms were already really tired and sore. She told me her class was arm-heavy today (“I don’t want to discourage you, I mean it would be good for you, but whatever you want to do!”), so I ended up politely declining class today. I don’t want to overdo it.
I feel like going to the gym yesterday was a deciding move for my gym future. I live every day with the philosophy that working out is a choice. I never inherently force myself to do it - if I feel that pressure, despite it coming from me, I’m more likely to get frustrated and not do it. So yesterday I kept giving myself an out, and while normally that’s ok, I’ve been giving myself outs for the past couple weeks. Two weeks no lifting, no yoga is no good. And in my past experience anything over two weeks causes my habits to break. I feel that had I not gone yesterday I would easily have skipped out on yet another week of good-for-me exercises. So I forced myself yesterday.
Today and yesterday were good lessons in both listening to my body’s wants but also understanding it’s needs.
Sometimes the stars align and I run kinda fast. Today was one of those days.
I spent most of my morning debating - should I go? should I run? should I go to the gym? should I take a class? should I stay at home and sulk on the couch?
I told myself to run. I could 2 miles minimum and then I’d be done - clearly I lasted longer than that. But my knee is also reminding me why I started strength training in the first place.
So after my run I went to a yoga class and man oh man that was a good decision. It was hard. My arms and legs protested. But now, after a few hip openers and down dogs, I feel so much better.
When in doubt just go do something. At least you’ll be able to say you tried.
Have you all missed me? I’ve missed you.
My dad has been in town since last Thursday. We saw Avenue Q, an operetta, a one hour show of short plays. I went to way too many restaurants (including Little Goat, which was one of the best dining experiences I’ve ever had). I ate way more meat than I have in a long while. We went to the Museum of Science and Industry and saw my favorite exhibit so far on the Walt Disney archives. We walked all over the city (and racked up a million fitbit steps). It was nice having him here (and having meals paid for!) but I’m glad my life will be returning to some normalcy now.
And in the middle of all this I still managed to get some runs in - WITH MY NEW GARMIN. It is the new Forerunner 15 and it is wonderful. It is just SO lightweight, works really well and is a welcome change to running with my phone. Although I do miss Runkeeper giving me .5 mile updates it’s nice to not have to worry if it rains whether or not I’ll be ruining my phone. And unfortunately this means a lack of pictures of the lake at the end of my runs - I’ll have to hold onto that view for myself.
Unfortunately I did NOT manage to get to the gym. Oh well. I will go again soon, life is just hectic. I should be getting feedback on my Friday interview sometime this week and I have another interview tomorrow. It is for a temp job at a loan company. If I got it I would only be guaranteed 3 months of full time work, and then they decide whether or not they’d hire me. I don’t know whether or not I should take this if I got it - the pay would be a little bit more than my current pay but after 3 months my employment would be a gamble. Then again, it could lead to new job opportunities (learning a different set of skills/experiences). Or I could stay at my current job (if I don’t get the other job) where they finally offered me full time + benefits but could stay stuck in retail life for an undetermined amount of time.
WHAT DO? Life is a gamble right now.
My legs are tired. And there’s more walking to be done.
(At least I’m in second place in the leaderboards - Brooke, I’m coming for you!!!!)
Midday coffee date.
Thanks for your well wishes and input this morning! The interview went really well. This was more of a practice interview and it’s definitely made me feel more comfortable. Hopefully that will mean less jitters next time!
Next interview is on Friday. That’s for the job I’m really hoping to get. So if you could send some good vibes my way that’d be much appreciated.
The IMPORTANT part of this post is that I went to the gym!!! I got home and jeez my bed was SO comfy and man oh man did I not want to move but I pried myself out and got in some lifting and oh boy do I feel better.
Tomorrow maybe possibly I’ll go on a run? And try out a new toy I got? Courtesy of Derek, of course. Early birthday present, of course. I’m kind of really really excited about it. My old Garmin just started dying on me and this one is SO lightweight and pretty and PURPLE. He surprised me with it last night and I was seriously not expecting it. It also includes an activity monitor that’s supposed to use the vivofit technology, but I still have quite the soft spot for my fitbit (and all the apps is syncs up with!).
Aaaand I’m off to work. Where I’ll find out if they counter offered me anything. What an eventful week.